Mom’s with Bipolar

• Any mother out there that suffers with Bipolar, whether it be Bipolar I, II, or mixed then this blog may just give you some comfort knowing that you are NOT alone.  I too suffer with Bipolar, Bipolar II to be exact, along with other mental health issues like ADD & OCD.  But I noticed after my 2nd birth {after having twin girls, then another girl} my hormones changed dramatically, in the worst kind of way.  This coming from a mom with 3 children all under the age of 3yrs. I thought that raising twins, for my first child was going to be a challenge, in deed it was, but nothing beats the daily life challenges, thought process of having Bipolar.  I view it as getting a life sentence, it will never leave, & there’s no escaping it.  I was diagnosed at the age of 14yrs. I am now 31, so for the past 17yrs I feel like I have been on death row.  Becoming a mother has made me a stronger person: mind, body, & soul, but mixed with the hormones EVERY mother goes through on a day to day basis, makes it just that much harder to bare & cope.  And if your anything like me, a control freak {example: clean freak, have to have things in a certain order like facing the same way, color coordinated} then it’s very frustrating having an incurable disease that controls every aspect of your life.  You know what I mean, when all you want to do is sleep, cry, or when your in your manic stage & are full of energy {feeling like a kid again} and barely can get a wink of sleep, but the manic stage is also when your creative side comes out, hence the reason why I chose now to write this @ this odd hour.  There were several famous people who also suffered with this roller coaster ride they call life {that’s how I can best describe my emotions}  1.Winston Churchill 2. Beethoven 3. Jimi Hendrix 4. Larry Flynt 5. Jean-Claude Van Damme 6.Vincent Van Gogh 7. Catherine Zeta-Jones 8. Brittney Spears {well that explains a lot now lol!} 9. Marilyn Monroe 10. Edgar Allan Poe 11. Axl Rose 12. Mark Twain 13. Ernest Hemingway 13. Isaac Newton 14. Richard Dreyfuss 15. Florence Nightingale 16. Ozzy Osbourne 17. Kurt Cobain 18. Amy Winehouse 19. Mel Gibson 20. Jim Carey. So there are many, many, of people including celebrities that are dealing with the same daily challenges of this disease that insists on controlling us.  I feel like a walking pharmacy I’m on more meds now than I’ve ever been on: Zoloft, Cymbalta, Adderall, Ambien, Klonopin, and just got off of the Depakote.  I had been without my medicine for over a year after having my last daughter, & it wasn’t like I wasn’t trying to find a Dr, I just couldn’t find a doctor willing to accept new Medicaid patients.  There’s so many random rapid thoughts that run through my mind, that no one would quite understand if I told them.  This maybe why I get that “you’re crazy” line a lot but in a good way.  At age 14, I discovered a way of easing my pain.  I started cutting myself anytime I was overwhelmed with too much emotion {mostly depression} the knife was in a way like my counselor it ALWAYS made me feel better & make those sad thoughts go away.  I would use steak knifes, butcher, even razor blades if I couldn’t get to a knife without someone seeing me.  And I would cut myself repeatedly until I was satisfied that enough blood had oozed out.  Later putting it together blood = pain being released.  That was something I ran to, it was a comfort zone for me, instead of expressing my emotions or speaking out for help.  I did this for nearly 14yrs, & I have left scars on my legs, & arms.  It reminds me of how low I sunk in the battle that won during that time period of my life.  Right now, I’m the one in control, not it.  Just know that help is out there, that you can overcome this.  It won’t go away, but there are several learning tools to help people cope & help manage this disease.  Everyone is different, some might do yoga or read, me, I personally love to go play bingo {I know g-ma} but being a stay @ home mom I’m literally strapped in my house so when I DO get to get out w/out the kids for a bit, I feel & act like a teenage girl!  I hope I have helped some mom’s out there, because this was my main purpose was to reach out to someone & maybe ease their minds or give them some comfort. I will continue with more blogs, I would absolutely love comments & questions & I will gladly respond.  I also did a little research for those of you still seeking the help you need or might want.  I found some links you may be interested in: 
• www.dbsalliance.org 
• www.managingbipolar.com 
• www.bipolardisordertreatment.com 
• www.dbsahouston.org 
• www.bipolardisorderarticles.com {if your living with a loved one with Bipolar} 
• www.general-healthonline.com 
• www.health.com   to name a few. 

Thanks for your time & for reading this, I’ve been wanting to do this for awhile now, just feared on it not coming across how I wanted it to, & really wanted to help maybe just that one person who might be at the worst part, stuck in that deep depression and it’s spiraling out of control, even may be considering suicide. Take care of your family & yourself, because you can’t take care of your family if you haven’t taken care of yourself.  Trust me, I’m still dealing with those consequences for those same actions, wish I would have written this before that incident, then I could have listened to my own advice!  God Bless.